As an homage to the originator of this challenge at thursday night smackdown I am going to “Live Blog” my contribution to this months competition. Except for the fact that there is no way anyone would possibly be reading this real time. So in actuality it will be in “Live Blogging” format without the fun of it actually being, you know, live.
Step One:
The theme is picnic foods so what the heck can I make – hows about a “Hand Pie”? They have sufficient picnic type cred to qualify right? I hope? And the first thing a hand pie needs is a crust. For a hand pie, or pasty if you will (and considering the connotations that you dirty birds might apply to that I think pasty is much more fun), you need a crust that will stand up to some abuse. My go to for this, and actually most pie type applications, is a hot water dough. I like them because they are not even remotely fussy and are pretty much idiot proof. Say what you will about the idiots. And I know you are going to read it and be in total disbelief that it could be a decent pie/tart dough.
3:45 pm – Try it. I DARE you.
1 1/2 C Flour
1/2 t Kosher Salt
1 egg, well beaten
2T + 2 t Water
1/3 C Vegetable Shortening
Combine flour and salt in a heat proof bowl, whisk lightly to get major lumps out. Put a small saucepan on the heat and combine water and shortening over low. Make a well in the flour and add the beaten egg, cut egg in with a knife. This process will seem similar but nowheres near as hard as the whole cutting butter in. As with the pain in the a$$ butter version you are looking to end up with something that is homogeneous and with clumps the size of peas or a little smaller.
3:51 – By this time the mixture on the heat should be close to boiling, and that is just where you want it. Once it has come to a boil and is trying to spit little blobs of molten fat at you – turn off the heat and pour directly into the bowl of flour. Did I mention that the bowl needs to be heatproof? I really wouldn’t use plastic. Stir everything together until it cools enough to mush it around with your hands. Make sure everything is combined and then pat into a disc shape (or 2, I did one but in retrospect 2 would have been better) and wrap in plastic wrap. Park them in the ‘fridge for about an hour.
4:00 Now – aren’t you glad that this is only faux live-blogging. If it were real you would be all like, crap, now I have to wait an hour and I would be all like HAHA I’m gonna go play Bejeweled Blitz …
4:30 – For the Filling: things I had laying around the kitchen
If this Pasty had a size it would be DD
1/2 lb ground Pork
1 small apple, grated
1/2 C Cheddar Cheese, grated
1 med onion, chopped (1 C)
1/2 t Salt
1/4 t each Pepper, Cinnamon and Ground Ginger
Put some olive oil in a pan and cook your ground pork adding the spices at the end of the cooking time. Remove to a holding bowl. Add more oil and toss in the onions, saute until you think that all the gunk on the bottom of the pan is going to burn and say “OH CRAP” and add a little bit of water to “deglaze” the pan like you are all professional and stuff. Cook it until just before the “OH CRAP” point again and then add the grated apple. Go to directly to “OH CRAP” and pull the water stunt again. Add a pinch of each of the above seasonings for good measure. When most of the water has cooked off, but before everything starts sticking to the bottom of the pan again – dump it all into the bowl with the pork. Allow to cool. Preheat your oven to 375.
5:00 – When your pie dough is ready you need to make it into 2 roughly dinner plate sized discs. If you are a good little reader you have 2 discs to work with and voila! If you are like me and didn’t think of it, you will have to divide the dough into 2 before you roll. Mix the cheese into the other glop and divide evenly between the two discs. Stick your finger into a little bit of water and run it along the bottom 1/2 edge of the discs and fold the suckers into 1/2 moons. Get all fancy pants with a fork and crimp the edges. Put on a sprayed baking sheet and bake for 40 minutes.
The Rest of the Story:
I also made a roasted potato salad to go with this, but this has already gotten way longer than I would want to read – so why should I inflict it upon y’all? I’ll do that at a later date. Also on the menu was a garden fresh sliced tomato – a perfect southern picnic food if there ever was one. What I will let you know is that the “dinner plate” sized pasties are much too large if you have a normal appetite. What should have happened was to divide the dough and fillings into quarters and make 4 of the puppies. With 1 1/2 lbs of potatoes you have enough ‘tater salad for 4 and a single sliced tomato can feed 4. So realistically this was a meal for 4 instead of 2. In actuality my husband ate his whole pasty and so will go hungry for lunch tomorrow when I am eating my leftovers.
Not really, but it is fun to imagine.
The Low Down:
Pork: reality – I bought a 2 pack Boston Butt from the warehouse store and butchered it up into roasts, cutlets, stew chunks and ground meat and put it into the freezer. Did the math and it came out to $1.40 per pound. But that isn’t realistic for most people. Lets say I got a good deal @ $1.99/lb and count this as $1 for the meat.
Apple: ~ 8 oz bought @ .99/lb = .50
Cheese: again the reality is that I bought it in a 5 lb bag and froze in 8 oz portions and it comes out to about .90 for a 1/2 lb. So my half cup cost about .23. On normal sale @ Kroger they run $1.60 per bag so that call it .40.
Onion: .25
Flour: I know you are gonna kill me, but I buy this in 25 lb bags and keep it in my freezer. Lets just skip the math and say .15.
Egg: 2.50/12 = .21
Shortening: no clue, lets say .10
Potatoes: were given to me free by my neighbor but lets say 1 1/2 lbs @ 5 lbs for 2.50 = .75
Tomato: also a freebie from my neighbor. Lets say I bought it for .40.
Pantry Items: Spices, Olive Oil, Mustard, Garlic, AC Vinegar = .25
Total which I submit to Hobo Tuesday: 1+.50+.40+.25+.15+.21+.10+.75+.40+.25 = $4.01 (picnic for 4 unless you have a hungry man and then for 3)
Actual Total if you are an obsessive compuslive shopper like me who has a big chest freezer and a generous neighbor with a 1 1/2 acre “garden”: .70+.50+.23+.25+.08+.21+.10+.25 = $2.32
July 8, 2009 at 12:47 am
Live blogging? I didn’t know there was such a thing. The hand pie looks tasty though!
July 12, 2009 at 9:32 pm
[...] Pasty. Heh. [...]
July 12, 2009 at 11:55 pm
This looks delicious. I’ve never cooked with ground pork before, but I might have to try this.
July 13, 2009 at 5:53 am
This sounds terrific! I love pork & fruit together in almost any application. . . and pork and fruit you can pick up – yay!
July 13, 2009 at 9:55 am
most entertaining recipe post ever?
yes, ever.
incredibly helpful too?
indeed.
July 13, 2009 at 11:14 am
Great shopping, girl! So, how do you get cutlets or roasts out of a Boston butt? What I’m imagining doesn’t have much continuous muscle.
Love that recipe, too. Kinda like empanadas.
July 13, 2009 at 8:28 pm
I am not an actual butcher – so I just kinda winged it. First I took out the bone and then I worked on separating out things that looked like continuous muscles. I use the entire boston butt for a roast – so that was easy. The bits that got mangled by my removing of the bone ended up as stew chunks or ground meat.
To make the cutlets I isolated a tapering muscle that was lightly marbled and I cut them about 1/2 thick. I just kinda made it up as I went along.
July 13, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Sounds Yummy. Pork, apples and ginger – classic combo. I’m not a big cheddar fan but it should work great with those flavors. I think I’ll try a version sans cheese, with more peppery spices like grains of paradise and cubeb. I use AB’s pasty crust, haven’t tried hot water dough. Pastys rock!
August 5, 2009 at 3:40 pm
This is the second blog post I’ve read about handpies today. I think I’m going to have to try them out.
Quick question though: do you use vegetable shortening because it works better for the ‘idiot-proof’-ness or because it is cheaper (given the general theme of your blog, I had to ask…) I prefer to use butter for my crusts, but I see how they could be a little too tender for handpie use.
August 5, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Actually the shortening is in itself a substitution from the original recipe which called for lard. If you want to use lard the measurement is 1/3 C + 1/4 C. The lard makes the dough more difficult to work with, but it is tasty. But lard isn’t something people tend to have hanging around in their house (like me) and the shortening is a good substitute.
I have never tried to use butter in this, I am not certain it would work the same way. Veg Shortening and Lard behave in much the same way, both are solids at room temperature. Butter does not maintain it’s structure well at room temperature and if regular baking is any tell, when you melt it it’s properties become very different.
Feel free to try it and report back, but I give no guarantee that it would work, and in fact I seriously doubt it will give good results. But hey, the whole “hot water dough” thing seems like it shouldn’t work, so who knows.